I have spent the last 2 (almost) years living in a state of worry, fear, stress, and such a state of exhaustion that I wasn't sure what it even felt like to feel "normal". I never understood this self imposed way of living since I lived the reality so many wonder if is even possible....That is...God was in control of my life and I had a roof over my head, food on my table, Michael had a job, we had a car to get us back and forth and despite the struggle I was able to stay at home with my little treasures and began homeschooling. I wont lie life was a struggle and that is why I let Satan in and fear dominate my way of thinking and living.
UNTIL...I had an encounter with God. Now know I have had encounters with God before and had somewhat yielded to the reality that He reigned in my life. But this recent encounter was like NO OTHER. I hadn't gone boldly before the throne as a matter of fact I was at a service trying to be as "small" as possible not wanting to be noticed. I had gotten to a point where as hungry for God as I was I was afraid of what would happen with my "mess" if he showed up! God sought me out that night with a word given through another person. It may not have sounded profound to the others in the room but it rocked my world because of the aftermath. I woke up the next day no longer afraid, worried or feeling stressed. I had rested the night before and actually "felt like somebody!" It was such relief. It was then that I realized I had lived so long in that state that I had let that replace my reality and no longer lived like I believed what I said I believed.
In the days ahead as I prayed and sought God to uncover my "alabaster box" I realized I had filled my life with "things" or duties that I thought were important but that were actually filler. I started praying for God to lead me where He would have me go. As I prayed I uncovered several areas that I had been serving or rather obligated to because of my own guilt over saying no. I also realized those things I was using as filler were keeping me from actually doing what I have known for YEARS God was calling me to do. NUTS I myself was/am standing in the way of being all I could be. I finally was beginning to understand I can't do it all and give 100%. I had to say no to some new "opportunities" and I had to rid myself of some old ones. This was profound for me...I am a YES girl. I never say no not because I am worried of what others will think but because I can't stand a need not being met if I can meet it. But it is not my job to meet every need or do every job even if it means the job goes undone. God has called me home my first ministry after HIM is this home, my husband and our children. I want to pick only a few things to have my hand in and be able to give them 100% rather than doing 10 things and only give them 10%...Life Lesson for me for sure.
I am so excited to see where God leads me...leads my family. I am still standing firm clinging to the promises He has set in my heart.